Keep Calm & Love Your Body

 

The other day I had a moment of truth.   I was complaining about my hair, how my locks weren't locking the way I expected them to, how frustrated I was, and blah blah blah.  And then I caught my daughter watching me.  She wasn't saying anything, she was just sort of...  studying me...  as she twisted a braid of hair around her finger.  And I could almost hear her saying to herself, "is this how i should feel about me?"

Keep in mind,  I have spent countless hours researching the right books, television shows, and even words to affirm my daughter's fluffy 'fro, her beautiful eyes, her kind heart, her brilliance and creativity.  I promise you, its no easy task with popular media telling young girls at every corner what 'pretty' should be. Girls with kinky hair want curly hair, girls with straight hair want curly hair, girls with fair skin want a tan, girls with dark skin hide from the sun, big girls want to be thin and thin girls want to be thick.  No one is really satisfied with themselves.  (And as Stewart Ewan points out in Captains of Consciousness, consumerism can't really exist in a world where we are all satisfied with ourselves.  But I digress... )

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The point is, in that moment, I had an image of all the times my daughter watched me get dressed, looking for the right undergarment to hide my postpartum belly.   (sidenote:  yes, I know my daughter is now six years old.  but I didn't have this belly before she was born so technically it is a postpartum belly, thank you very much).  I had an image of every time I threw on a wig 'cuz I just didn't feel like being bothered with "the hair", and the countless times she's heard me ask, "does this make me look fat?" 

And I realized, its not just what we say to our daughters about themselves that effects their self esteem. Rather, its what we say about ourselves- to ourselves- that leaves a lasting imprint. 

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We have the power to teach our daughters, our sisters, our nieces, our students, and little girls around

the world how to relate to themselves.  And we can pass down to them a habit of critiquing our bodies, comparing ourselves to others, and self- depreciation. OR, we can pass down the habit of loving ourselves.  rejoicing in our reflections in the mirror.  telling ourselves and the world, as the 90's song goes,  " i'm beautiful damnit!"   (and meaning it).

so now I'm on a new kick-  and thought I'd share some tips I've learned along the way to "Keep Calm and Love My Body".  Who's with me???

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1. Move It   
We all know the benefits of exercise.  An initial consultation can help you determine whether you need cardio vs. strength-training; yoga and Qi-Gong, vs. running and spinning.  Everyone needs different things, and even that changes over time.  But to me, exercise is about more than fat and calories burned.  Its about taking the time to prioritize my body.  To tell my body, "I love you and I am going to dedicate this hour (or 15 minutes, or even 5 minutes) entirely to you."  Every relationship thrives with a little attention, and your relationship with your body is no different. 

2. Affirm It
 As I learned in the Financially Focused and Fabulous course (turns out its not just about finances y'all!), reciting an affirmation that you don't believe actually does more harm than good.  Instead of saying "I love my body" when you really don't, use an affirmation that celebrates your process.  Try something like, "I love this journey of learning to love me" instead- you can even give yourself a massage with your own handmade flower essence oil while you recite it. 

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3.  Cleanse It  
The spring season is a great time for a detox.  But if you lead a busy life, an extreme cleanse may not be practical or healthy. One of my favorites is the Mindful Cleanse- a nutrient-rich cleanse that still allows healthy meals and snacks.  And if that's not your thing, try a simple "thought  cleanse".   You'll be amazed at how different you'll feel after even just a week of only allowing positive thoughts about yourself and your body. 

4.  Honor It
Create a ritual to honor yourself that you can repeat monthly.  The first day of your menstrual cycle, the New or Full Moon, or any other day that has meaning for you are all great choices.  Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, light a candle, take a bubble bath, visit your alter, write a poem, or do something that allows you to acknowledge your inner and outer beauty.

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5.  Understand It 
Our relationship with our bodies come from so many places.  Even emotional eating, which seems pretty straight-forward, can be layered and complicated.  With my clients, I've seen emotional eating can come from self-punishing, trying to fill an empty void, trying to stuff down something that needs to come out,  numbing ourselves to pain, and rewarding ourselves.   I've seen again and again that our physical bodies are often metaphors for our deep-seated, unresolved emotions.  Here are my

Self-Heal Flower

favorite flower essences for getting clarity on what lies beneath our relationship with our bodies:

Manzanita: helps us come into a better relationship with our bodies and the physical world, motivating us to make treat our bodies like the sacred temples that they are.

Pretty Face:  helps us to recognize our inner and outer beauty, and allows us to share it in the world. its especially good for when we're feeling under confident or "unpretty".

Self-Heal: helps us to get to the root of the emotional and lifestyle changes we need to make to support our healing.